Remembering the Past#
Three-quarters of this year have passed. What have I been busy with? Overall, it feels quite fulfilling. Looking at the album, it seems like I was busy with the New Year in January, doing quant work. In February, I participated in the Aptos Hong Kong hackathon, which was quite unproductive, but I did meet some friends; in March, I took on an agricultural outsourcing project while also preparing for a trip to Taiwan, and I spoke about the combination of organic agriculture and blockchain at ETHHanzhou; at the beginning of April, I went to Taiwan, participated in an event, and won a prize for coding solo to some extent. In the middle of the month, I started working on a project in Shenzhen, and by the end of the month, I took my mom to Japan; in May, I rushed back to finish my thesis, wrapped up the agricultural project, migrated the LXDAO server, and successfully defended my thesis while accompanying my grandpa and mom on a trip in Beijing. To use up the membership card I had previously charged, I was boxing almost every day; at the beginning of June, after organizing an event, I rushed back to Shenzhen to wrap up the project there, missed the graduation ceremony, but fortunately, my photo editing skills are quite good; at the beginning of July, I returned to Beijing, focused on creating the official website for quant, later wrapped up the LXScale website proposed in April at LXDAO, and took a day and a half to improve the agricultural outsourcing project based on the client's needs. The rest of the time was spent developing AskDolly, and by the end of the month, I couldn't stand the weather in Shenzhen anymore, so I went home and helped my grandpa with his memoirs. At the beginning of August, I first went to Guangzhou and Changsha with friends, almost shattering my digital nomad dream due to heatstroke. After returning to Shenzhen, the team discussed and decided to switch to remote work; indeed, if I wasn't allowed to work remotely, my mental state would not hold up. AskDolly basically entered the operational maintenance phase, and in the second week, I came to Beijing to stay in touch with the team, but now it seems that this is quite costly, especially during holidays, with round-trip airfare costing at least 2000 and accommodation costing 300 per day, totaling over 4000. Of course, every month is interspersed with various operational tasks in LXDAO, and after July, the maintenance work for the agricultural outsourcing project gradually increased. Overall, it feels quite fulfilling, but on the other hand, it seems a bit chaotic. After graduation, it feels like I suddenly lost my main task, and the useful student identity is gone, making visa applications a hassle again. My physical condition has been deteriorating since the breakup last year, with my weight constantly increasing, mainly because I've been eating too well. However, recently I feel like my appetite has decreased; I can barely finish half a bowl of noodles and feel full. But why isn't my weight decreasing??
In terms of mental health, I think I'm okay, but it's gradually getting worse. I've had episodes of shortness of breath, but after taking medication for a while, it gets better. Yesterday, I had a slight episode because I was too focused on reading articles, so I need to control the frequency of taking medication. On the other hand, while I want to isolate myself for a while to regain energy, I also find myself questioning whether I'm too lonely when I start to feel anxious. It's quite contradictory and surprising to myself; my habit of binge-watching short videos has become more severe as I've had more free time these days, but I also feel a bit resistant to memorizing vocabulary, as it brings too much frustration, and memorizing so much won't be useful. I particularly want to live alone, but I understand that this doesn't solve the problem; it's an escape. It's the same as most of the time, escaping while suffering. Right now, in a hotel room in Beijing, my throat is itchy, my whole body feels weak, and I've had thoughts about needing to go out and exercise, but when I think about taking a taxi there and back, I lose the motivation. Life without an electric bike is truly painful for me; the electric bike is really a part of my body.
Looking to the Future#
From the events, it seems that Singapore will have Token2049 in September, and Osaka will have the World Expo in October, so if I go in September, I can also participate in EDCON, but EDCON is honestly not that interesting. In November, there's DEVCON in Argentina, and I managed to get a student discount, but I'm still a bit hesitant. To be honest, the place I want to go the most is Argentina, and I want to have some fun there. But to go to Argentina, I need to apply for a US visa, and for that, I need to show bank statements... Okay, I just asked, and if it's just for a tourist visa, the bank statement might not be such a big issue. Let's see, I'll first get the visa sorted out and then decide whether to go or not.
In terms of personal growth, what I urgently want now is to lose weight and improve my English skills. To achieve this goal, I desperately need a stable environment, which is also a major factor affecting whether I want to go out. I've been participating in activities for almost two or three years now, and while I can't say I've made no progress at all, I really haven't reached a level where I can communicate freely with people. As someone who wants to take an international route, I feel that this state is very undesirable and a loss; I think I should take some time to settle down.
I also bought a Pocket3 neck holder, and when I go home or to my hometown, I plan to learn to cook with my grandmothers and record it to save on my hard drive, starting from buying groceries, and document it to pass down my family's recipes. Sometimes I also consider whether to go abroad for further studies or maintain a student background. If I want to take an international route, the recognition of domestic degrees in the international market doesn't seem ideal. I believe that a degree is a safety net, but the cost of studying abroad is relatively high. I'm also considering the very affordable OMSCS Online Master's program, but that school is ranked over a hundred on QS, and I'm a bit worried about its recognition. Anyway, I need to improve my English.
Self-Awareness#
Currently, I feel a bit embarrassed to call myself a digital nomad; I hope the place I live can be a bit more stable. Occasionally going out to travel might suit me better. Or if I achieve some success in fitness and English, I could lower my requirements for stability. Because right now, I really can't stand being overweight, and my English level is holding back my personal development. Not being able to communicate fluently with others when I go out is not what I expect.
On the technical development front, the overall tone is full-stack JS, with Python as a supplement, and Rust... To be honest, I feel quite awkward; aside from the quant system, I don't have much opportunity to write Rust. I might look for some Rust open-source projects to contribute to, as I feel that if I don't write, I'll forget it.
The industry I'm in is mainly web3, and the resource accumulation is also in the web3 sector, which can be said to revolve around LXDAO. In the niche track, I choose AI + Web3, as it's ultimately a hot topic of this era.
I really don't like working for others; I prioritize things I recognize and can be my own boss. But sometimes I also want to learn some skills from the factory; theoretically, I could solve this by making more friends in the factory and communicating more.
Random Thoughts#
I'm very grateful that after the college entrance examination, I came to Beijing. Although summer can't compare to Yunnan, I can still tolerate not using air conditioning indoors and just drink some ice water. It's less humid than Yunnan and not as damp as Shenzhen. In winter, there's heating. In summary, the flaws don't overshadow the positives; it's still quite good. I really can't stand the humidity after staying in Shenzhen for two months; it's too damp, and there's no heating in winter.
I should be a J person; I really want to set a daily plan to make my life fulfilling, but I've never succeeded. I've reflected on this in the past couple of days, and I realized that the margin for error in the plans I set for myself is too small, or the robustness is too poor. My previous plans were slow and lacked tasks that could be done or not done. In practice, even a little interference can lead to failure, which is very frustrating and hard to maintain. I still need to add more self-care activities, like taking care of my younger siblings, walking with family, and cooking.
Overall, my mental and physical health is still the top priority, and I don't have any survival pressure, so I want to live in a way that I like and be more awake for a few more years.
Outputting externally is also a good habit; it creates value and records my growth. "Who writes a diary seriously?" It’s not a good idea to expose all my thoughts and feelings.
I remember writing a similar stream of consciousness in 2022 and even bought a server to create a WordPress site... Back then, I was still writing Golang and hardly doing any front-end work.
Time flies.